Just a short catch up this time

Have you ever been known to cry and not cope with the general community if they are rude? It's as though it is personal to me. Not that people have it in for me, but I have this sense that I deserve this treatment because for some reason, I just do. I notice every little thing that people say and do to me and it can crush me deep to the bone. Even if someone is rude to me on the road or not smile when I smile at them. I find I can think about these events, what others would call minor and wonder what I may have done wrong? oscillating from hurt to anger. I was at the medical center last week and in the waiting room, a girl and I made eye contact. I smiled, she frowned. Do you know I haven't been able to let that episode go? I felt really mortified underneath, I felt bad, like I did something wrong to her and she was angry with me. Did I look at her wrong? Did she just take a disliking to me? Was she jealous? Do I look bitchy? I mean who cares? I can sometimes go through the day picking up what everyone must be thinking and being very sensitive to their response toward me. I have to be loved or liked most days. I must admit this is just one of the moods I can wake up with. Then on another day I may be full of confidence. So the example scenario might happen only sometimes. Then tomorrow there will be a new struggle and the next day? Well having BPD can be a lucky dip with me. Mmm I wonder. What will my mood be today that I have to battle with? What thoughts will I be struggling with today? Other days its as though BPD never existed and it transcends into never, never land. Oh well at least it makes life interesting, NOT! I could definitely think of more fun ways to do life! I still can't believe that this isn't normal for everyone to feel this way? Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to be someone else who doesn't have a mental disorder or illness. I may never know though maybe 'cos I do. Although I hope for a full recovery it is early days. We'll see, I'm not expecting miracles overnight, but I am expecting a miracle of some kind 'cos I have faith! and I'm also willing to put in the work that may be necessary in finding those keys to health and happiness. I have to believe they are there somewhere. I comfort myself with the thought that I'm not alone in this struggle. Just about everyone on this planet struggles with something, mine just happens to be Borderline Personality Disorder.Its a not fun prognosis, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles I guess? Thanks for listening again and please comment it would really make my day!
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Also scroll down to read some other recent BPD post. Thanks